The Tiger Tribune News by the Students of Lee Vining High School

Lee Vining Flip Phone Club Minutes

By Ben Trefry
Jan 24, 2018

Lee Vining Flip Phone Club (LVFPC)

Weekly Meeting Minutes, January 34th, 2018

  1. Call to order: Phone call to order. Members spend next ten minutes trying to figure out how to answer it on their dumbphones, then give up. Resolution to listen to the voicemail later.
  2. Approval of minutes: Nobody knows why we have to do this. It was just in the Word minutes template I found…
  3. Reports from members:
    1. Treasurer reports on successful December 15th yard sale. Members nod in agreement, happy to have exchanged useless junk for useless money.
    2. Public Outreach/Conversion Officer reports on (un)successful efforts to get ‘them darn kids’ to listen to his rambling about why flip phones are so much better, less addictive, etc.
    3. Gear Acquisition Officer shows off giant flip phone he acquired with garage-sale money (Laptop computer, but don’t tell nobody ‘bout that!).
    4. Just for fun, report from Doge on the virtues of the flip phone. Much flip, so phone, very better, etc.
  4. Business Item: Vote on whether slide-phone still counts as a flip phone One member switched from a traditional flip phone to a slightly more advanced model, one that slides out with a full keyboard and could theoretically post to Twitter (gasp!). Members voted that this is still a flip phone, with one voting no, one abstaining, and four voting yes. Member who voted no, threw the phone in question against the wall.
  5. Business Item: Vote on appropriating funds to buy more of the giant flip phones Gear Acquisition Officer found!! Motion approved 5-1.
  6. Business Item: “I can’t get the darned thing workin’!” Assign members #5 and #2 to help out a hopeless senior too old to use even the most basic of phones.
  7. Business Item: Closing rant on how addicted and depressed ‘them darn kids’ are these days. No flip-phone gathering is complete until you’ve roasted smartphone users!
  8. Adjourn meeting. See you all next month, on February -7th! If your flip phone has a calendar, put the date on there. Otherwise, put it on your $100 Mono Lake Calendar.

Unfinished Business